As I pulled into the parking lot I found myself overcome by emotion. I felt my eyes starting to tear up. My mind went back to that day... March 5th. The day I thought would be like any other appointment with a slight chance that maybe we'd schedule something for Isaac to make an early entrance.
I started to recall everything about that day. We, my mom and I, pulled into the parking lot and went to my appointment. I was excited because we were going to have an ultrasound and it was going to be the first time my mom was going to see the baby. I was also nervous because the purpose of the ultrasound was to measure growth. If you are new to my blog you can read about Isaac's full birth story. But to make a long story short. He hadn't grown in a month. He was under distress. We had to have a c-section. He was having problems breathing on his own. He had to be airlifted to the nearest NICU. I didn't see him for three days. That day is so vivid in my mind and I truly believe it always will be. I think most moms remember everything about the day their children are born but Isaac's story is so different than most. Most of the time the day of birth is an exciting time and while I did have some excitement everything was happening so fast and I really did not have a lot of time to process what was going on.
Yesterday I thought about everything leading up to Isaac's birth: the twice a week appointments, all the NST's, all the lab work, all the ultrasounds. I thought of the day I was told that I couldn't exercise anymore, the day I was put on blood pressure meds, the day I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia, the day I was put on bed rest, the constant worry that last month. I thought of the day of his birth and I thought about what happened afterwards. After my c-section I had to spend a lot of time recovering. My blood pressure was through the roof and there was a high risk of seizures. I had to be monitored every hour and I had to be on a nasty drug called magnesium, this drug was to prevent the seizures from happening. Finally after 24 hours they could stop the drug. My blood pressure was still high but I guess the risk of seizures was gone. I missed Isaac but felt that he was in the best place he could be.
I look back on that day and I wonder how in the world was I so strong. How did I make it through that whole experience without getting emotional? Did you know that the first time I truly cried was over a day later? Okay I lied I did cry the moment the doctor told me Isaac hadn't grown and it was time to take him out. I cried for about five minutes then didn't cry again until over a day after his birth. Just thinking about that experience now makes me emotional. I can't even go back and read his birth story. The story I wrote myself... I can't read it without crying. I think I've had time to process the whole experience and sometimes the what if's pop into my head.....
What if I didn't have an appointment that day?
What if we had done pitocin instead of a c-section?
What if I hadn't had a doctor so on top of things and they allowed Isaac to be carried to full term?
What if I had gone to Mayo and delivered there? (this was an option but I wanted my doctor to deliver Isaac)
what if what if what....
I guess what I'm try to say is that Isaac is one lucky guy and someone was looking out for us both that day because one of the answers to those questions is that Isaac could have been stillborn. I don't think I mentioned this in his birth story but when they pulled Isaac out his cord was wrapped around his neck. Also, babies that have IUGR (like Isaac had) have a higher rate of being still born. I hate hate hate to think about what could have been and believe me I don't spend a lot of time thinking about this but its hard not to. I will be forever grateful to my doctor that I had during my pregnancy and the constant prayers and positive thoughts. I truly believe they helped.
Instead of spending a lot of time on the what could have been lets focus on a positive. Isaac also had a doctors appointment yesterday. His pediatrician continues to be amazed at how well he is doing weight wise. Isaac is exclusively breast feeding and over the last 19 days he's gained on average 30 grams (about an ounce)/day. This is awesome! Check out these compression photos. The first photo is from when we brought Isaac home. The second photo is four weeks later. Wow! I can't wait to see what another four weeks brings. My little guy is getting bigger!
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| March 26th, 2012 |
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| April 23, 2012 |
I will end with another photo because its to darn cute not to share.
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| Mom! Call Guinness Book of World Records! I think I'm the smallest baby to fit my whole fist in my mouth! |
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